I will die if light touches me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
