I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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