I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
