i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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