Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
