if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
how does that bad decision feel?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
