so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
