I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
