he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
