I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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