Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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