You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
