I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
