youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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