I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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