i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you would pick up someone in the library
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
