Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
