my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
