cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
