and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
