i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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