um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
