mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
