he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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