i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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