Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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