I didn't shave. On purpose
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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