I'm going to jail i love you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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