That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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