This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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