I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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