I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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