I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
