Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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