You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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