So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
