you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
