just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
