it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
