When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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