Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
