Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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