Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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