If i come over, it means nothing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
