life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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