so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
