i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
