I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
