I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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