Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
