I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
