good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
