Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
