just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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