careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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