I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
