My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
