woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
