Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Less talking, more tequila
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
