please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
