I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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