Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So vagazzling was a success
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
