All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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