I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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