remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
